First post, i present you my shameless dramatic piece of crap

Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the ugliest of all? 

How old will i be when  fall?

I don't think i like who i see at all,

Where will i be when I'm twenty four?

Will i be famous in baseball?

or should i try soccer?

Mirror mirror on the wall, 

When will this be over?

Another year, another blog, another story of life. will it last? I don't know.

How to start this?

Let's flash back to three months back where everything is nothing extraordinary. The new semester started with full of hope and excitements. I still remember how my cute lecturer welcomed me back to the town saying that i'm getting more and more prosperous. first day impression? not bad? and then i saw the sun of my life again. the earth starts to grumble, if there's a sea nearby, i hope there's a tsunami to show how unstable is my heart. the sun shines through my heart, at the same time, being shy, the sun move and hang with the moon and stars. i realized, and left with silence.

a month later, as usual, with the inconsistent of class clashes, somehow i managed to find excuse to see the cute lecturer again. i don't know why, it seems fun just to talk to her. i cant really find a cool geek like me to talk too. some even thinks i'm too cold for a joke. doesn't matter. i'm not famous. 

blue tuesday, i realized another miracle happened, which mostly ended with a mood-less vain in the heart. the sun always shine when i help my uber cool lecturer to get equipments to prepare for the class. normally, i wont thirst of the sunlight but hey, this is different, it's not warm, it melts you. who cares, ill still do it anyway. 

April 2008, things gone pretty shaky, the sun thinks i'm a serious threat, the global warming that will kill the earth. cant blame the sun? i'm too obvious. the next day, started with a normal routine with friends, we hang out, share informations, and there she was, the X'crush, she came to me, asking me for a favor and i said yes, i'll help. sounds weird? trust me, it was. day by day, babysitting is seriously a routine in the house. the xcrush however, decided to go overseas to widen herself in the industry which i really really jealous about. people don't just signed with a million dollar contract every day right?

end of april 2008, i decided to propose for a more serious vision and mission in my life. under certain circumstances, there's too much complicated procedures that ive to get through and i decided it's not the time. at the time, i realized that i need to support myself in order to go what i wanted. again, always option-less when it comes to hard choices. i'll b fine. when there's a shadow, there's a light. 

March 2008, things went crazy, i went to the world war 3 against my inner will. i destroy every single enemy in my heart. went berserk and finally got a blardy job. im not happy, its just, something missing.

May 2008, i keep searching for the lost sun, hoping that it will shine me without runing this time. i need the light desperately, my legs cant support all the weights that ive been carrying in the past 2 months.im tired, i need it, the light, so badly. and yet, cant find it everywhere. a friend suggested me to find a new sun. i say, if it shines through my heart, ill take it. so far, only one sun warms my heart this year.

another shocking story is about how a mate and sister of mine decided to walk the same road as they get older. i did not believe it at the first place. thanks to the all time brats and mates who will never stop their jokes whenever i exists. it takes time for me to digest the situation. even my naked eyes told my brain it's dreamy. but, i'm happy for him and her. she, the one who always active are now more passive in a certain way. kinda miss her craziness but, people move on, we shouldn't close our door to adultness. in the other hand, the guy looks pretty normal i guess.

i seriously think i should move on too, i cant just wait for the sun to brighten me with its shallow light? at the same time all those neon bulbs stereotypes me for my honesty and words of fury. i guess the road that awaits me won't be easy, long and windy.